Zakdudsit is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering bat.

Zakdudsit created carbon seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Zakdudsit, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Zakdudsit, he will turn you into a plant.

Zakdudsit's most sacred site is Qangwa in Botswana.

Zakdudsit's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from green nematodes, for they are unholy.

2. Never talk about foxes.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Zakdudsit.