Ontbintig Vabfunhun is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, unselfish giraffe.

Ontbintig Vabfunhun created an atom four billion years ago.

If you believe in Ontbintig Vabfunhun, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ontbintig Vabfunhun, she will turn you into a mole.

Ontbintig Vabfunhun's most sacred site is Temmes in Finland.

Ontbintig Vabfunhun's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Always make sure there are no mites in a room before entering it.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never sing near hamsters.