Yarlyartzim is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, benevolent gorilla.

Yarlyartzim created the Cigar Galaxy eight million years ago.

If you believe in Yarlyartzim, it will not care.

If you do not believe in Yarlyartzim, it will turn you into a sparrow.

Yarlyartzim's most sacred site is Elatos in Greece.

Yarlyartzim's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not shave your face.

4. Erect a giant black sculpture of Yarlyartzim in the centre of the settlement.

5. Hide from cyan dogs for they are unholy.