Lakbuttim Quillog is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, staggering cyclops-rhinoceros-snail.

Lakbuttim Quillog created the Sombrero Galaxy three million years ago.

If you believe in Lakbuttim Quillog, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Lakbuttim Quillog, she will turn you into a worm.

Lakbuttim Quillog's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Lakbuttim Quillog's Holy Commandments

1. Run away from fawn dogs, for they are unholy.

2. Do not eat cherries.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. Hide from violet geese for they are unholy.