Carhotwee is a god.

She takes the form of a slim, two-faced pig.

Carhotwee created life nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Carhotwee, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Carhotwee, she will jump up and down on your head.

Carhotwee's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Carhotwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in holy places.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

4. Never talk about spacetime near horses while wearing yellow dresses.

5. Always look after injured aardvarks.