Laklipcutortbamdin is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, unthinking elephant.

Laklipcutortbamdin created the planet Mars nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Laklipcutortbamdin, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Laklipcutortbamdin, she will turn you into a goat.

Laklipcutortbamdin's most sacred site is Issigeac in France.

Laklipcutortbamdin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of lemons to ducks while wearing indigo ear rings.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate sharks.

3. Never hurt aardvarks.

4. Hide if three badgers approach from the west.

5. Do not keep nine tapirs in a large pit.