Matvedsag is a god.

She takes the form of a corpulent, selfish hydra.

Matvedsag created dark energy five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Matvedsag, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Matvedsag, she will turn you into a mouse.

Matvedsag's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Matvedsag's Holy Commandments

1. Never remain kneeling at dawn.

2. Heed all portents.

3. Draw representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Do not resist chaos.

5. Do not count beyond seven during ceremonies.