Xenmetjab is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, compassionate frog.

Xenmetjab created humanity four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xenmetjab, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Xenmetjab, he will turn you into a goat.

Xenmetjab's most sacred site is Gadna in Hungary.

Xenmetjab's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never eat lentils.

3. Retreat if nine birds approach from the north.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near hamsters while wearing gray stockings and balancing six iron spheres on your legs.

5. Always pray immersed in water.