Flattanwan is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, sage raccoon.

Flattanwan created energy three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flattanwan, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Flattanwan, it will refuse to believe in you.

Flattanwan's most sacred site is Gohrau in Germany.

Flattanwan's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never laugh in the presence of porpoises.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flattanwan.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Flattanwan on top of all buildings.