Vognulkamstaf is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, staggering goblin.

Vognulkamstaf created life seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Vognulkamstaf, she will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Vognulkamstaf, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Vognulkamstaf's most sacred site is Demsin in Germany.

Vognulkamstaf's Holy Commandments

1. Heed all portents.

2. Always obey Vognulkamstaf's priests.

3. Never eat carrots on days of mourning.

4. Never touch ash while unclean.

5. Never talk about dark energy near hamsters while wearing fawn boots.