Ladwegquim Barnpagarm is a god.

She takes the form of a four thousand metre long, emotional guinea pig.

Ladwegquim Barnpagarm created snails eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Ladwegquim Barnpagarm, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ladwegquim Barnpagarm, she will denounce you as a heretic.

Ladwegquim Barnpagarm's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Ladwegquim Barnpagarm's Holy Commandments

1. Never bounce in spring.

2. Always cleanse water with water.

3. Always help hamsters.

4. Never approach mountains carrying wood.

5. Always cleanse your hands after touching gold.