Lampib is a god.

He takes the form of a very long, selfish swan.

Lampib created vertebrates four billion years ago.

If you believe in Lampib, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Lampib, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Lampib's most sacred site is Dommerby in Denmark.

Lampib's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about nucleic acids.

2. Always obey Lampib's priests.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Always make sure there are no moths in a room before entering it.

5. Never stain your face with fawn.