Hitarpfoss is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, proud tortoise.

Hitarpfoss created everything that exists five billion years ago.

If you believe in Hitarpfoss, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hitarpfoss, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Hitarpfoss' most sacred site is Altata in Mexico.

Hitarpfoss' Holy Commandments

1. Do not fashion models of living things.

2. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place in orange.

3. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never write about amino acids.