Ceptafrapfas is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unfair wombat.

Ceptafrapfas created Europe five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ceptafrapfas, it will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Ceptafrapfas, it will turn you into a rock.

Ceptafrapfas' most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Ceptafrapfas' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Ceptafrapfas loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

3. Never pour water over plants.

4. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Always wear indigo.