Gumjarnnul is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, egotistical walrus.

Gumjarnnul created a photon five billion years ago.

If you believe in Gumjarnnul, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Gumjarnnul, he will not care at all.

Gumjarnnul's most sacred site is Didy in Madagascar.

Gumjarnnul's Holy Commandments

1. Walk at least four thousand metres per day.

2. Feed all hungry dolphins.

3. Learn five new languages a year.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Do not take Gumjarnnul's name in vain.