Femkanflab is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, compassionate crane.

Femkanflab created a bottom quark eight million years ago.

If you believe in Femkanflab, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Femkanflab, he will send three marmosets to sort you out.

Femkanflab's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Femkanflab's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick porpoises.

2. Erect a large lead sculpture of Femkanflab on top of all buildings.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Do not chant in public.

5. Never go into cyan rooms.