Bapominster is a god.

She takes the form of a large, irritating monkey.

Bapominster created a top quark seven million years ago.

If you believe in Bapominster, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bapominster, she will have an extremely low opinion of you.

Bapominster's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Bapominster's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no porpoises in a building before entering it.

2. Tortoises are not to be trusted.

3. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

4. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.