Timzantad Negnarlarg is a god.

It takes the form of a small, narcissistic jackal.

Timzantad Negnarlarg created life two million years ago.

If you believe in Timzantad Negnarlarg, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Timzantad Negnarlarg, it will attempt to scare you with strong winds.

Timzantad Negnarlarg's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Timzantad Negnarlarg's Holy Commandments

1. Always help sick dolphins.

2. Never allow monkeys to sleep beneath your roof.

3. Never laugh in the presence of elders.

4. Never skip in holy places.

5. Always help sharks.