Tikcarstan is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, egotistical tapir.

Tikcarstan created dark energy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tikcarstan, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tikcarstan, it will jump up and down on your head.

Tikcarstan's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Tikcarstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt snakes.

2. Erect a giant mauve sculpture of Tikcarstan in the centre of the settlement.

3. Erect eight aluminium sculptures of Tikcarstan on top of important buildings.

4. Never talk about dark matter near tortoises while wearing pink dresses.

5. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.