Baffunmet Dimjoppin is a god.

It takes the form of a fat, able rat.

Baffunmet Dimjoppin created carbon two billion years ago.

If you believe in Baffunmet Dimjoppin, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Baffunmet Dimjoppin, it will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Baffunmet Dimjoppin's most sacred site is Crugybar in Wales.

Baffunmet Dimjoppin's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about dwarf planets.

2. Learn eight new languages a year.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

4. Hide if five frogs approach from the south.

5. Erect a giant indigo sculpture of Baffunmet Dimjoppin in the centre of the settlement.