Pithivpakmad Quatdimmin is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, fast narwhal.

Pithivpakmad Quatdimmin created the cosmos five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pithivpakmad Quatdimmin, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pithivpakmad Quatdimmin, it will turn you into a duck.

Pithivpakmad Quatdimmin's most sacred site is Ronda in Spain.

Pithivpakmad Quatdimmin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed spinach to snakes while wearing purple ear rings.

2. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

3. Always make sure there are no rats in a building before entering it.

4. Do not shelter from rain as it is holy.

5. Do not listen to music.