Tettigoffas is a god.

It takes the form of a rotund, moody wasp.

Tettigoffas created a Higgs boson nine quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tettigoffas, it will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Tettigoffas, it will boil you in a big pot.

Tettigoffas' most sacred site is Polydrosos in Greece.

Tettigoffas' Holy Commandments

1. Never jump in the presence of squirrels.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never talk about dark energy near monkeys while wearing purple shorts.

4. Never think about chlorophyll.

5. Never paint your legs red.