Spagmap is a god.

It takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, blissful dog.

Spagmap created time and space nine thousand years ago.

If you believe in Spagmap, it will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Spagmap, it will send four elephants to rub you out.

Spagmap's most sacred site is Ulsted in Denmark.

Spagmap's Holy Commandments

1. Never tolerate laughter in holy places.

2. Erect a giant fawn sculpture of Spagmap in the centre of the settlement.

3. Do not place grapes upon stone.

4. Never pray while filled with anger.

5. Always share rice with strangers, but never with goats.