Bapfitzim is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, loving coyote.

Bapfitzim created the Cigar Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapfitzim, he will celebrate by creating some nebulas.

If you do not believe in Bapfitzim, he will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Bapfitzim's most sacred site is Cuandixia in China.

Bapfitzim's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near foxes while wearing purple jumpers and balancing six nickel spheres on your face.

2. Run away if four mice approach from the west.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.