Lagtetti is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, dishonourable scorpion.

Lagtetti created dark matter nine million years ago.

If you believe in Lagtetti, she will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Lagtetti, she will turn you into a sparrow.

Lagtetti's most sacred site is Askos in Greece.

Lagtetti's Holy Commandments

1. Never sing in spring.

2. Never feed aubergines to badgers while wearing shirts.

3. Do not drink alcohol.

4. Never jump in holy places.

5. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Lagtetti in the centre of the settlement.