Arpjopkim is a god.

He takes the form of an exceedingly large, stupid dog.

Arpjopkim created the universe five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Arpjopkim, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Arpjopkim, he will turn you into a sheep.

Arpjopkim's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Arpjopkim's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep three sheep in a large pit.

2. Paint representations of black holes on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not cook food in pots.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Erect a giant pink sculpture of Arpjopkim in the centre of the settlement.