Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely heavy, bad-tempered lion.

Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin created the Virgo Supercluster nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear shirts.

2. Never talk about mice.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Tagwongon Yarnatlenjin.

5. Never think about the weak nuclear force near tapirs while wearing yellow rings and balancing eight copper spheres on your feet.