Betfutbap Dotteen is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, loving crab.

Betfutbap Dotteen created a strange quark seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Betfutbap Dotteen, she will grant your every wish.

If you do not believe in Betfutbap Dotteen, she will turn you into a puffin.

Betfutbap Dotteen's most sacred site is Thethampakkam in India.

Betfutbap Dotteen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not kill birds.

2. Never think about gravity near cats while wearing purple stockings and balancing six lead spheres on your feet.

3. Hide from gray manatees for they are unholy.

4. Never go into black rooms.

5. Never wear fawn corsets.