Laphuglip is a god.

It takes the form of a giant, smart donkey.

Laphuglip created the universe nine trillion years ago.

If you believe in Laphuglip, it will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Laphuglip, it will turn you into an amoeba.

Laphuglip's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Laphuglip's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum field theory.

2. Always make sure there are no geese in a room before entering it.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Learn three new languages a year.

5. Foxes are unholy and should not be approached.