Tunstercub is a god.

He takes the form of a four thousand metre long, generous capybara.

Tunstercub created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Tunstercub, he will give you lots of gold.

If you do not believe in Tunstercub, he will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tunstercub's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Tunstercub's Holy Commandments

1. Never pour water over plants.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about fire.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not make images of living things.