Larnmatjab is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, passionate rhinoceros.

Larnmatjab created a strange quark six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Larnmatjab, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Larnmatjab, he will throw large rocks at you.

Larnmatjab's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Larnmatjab's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about solid mechanics.

2. Never talk about fire.

3. Always make sure there are no gulls in a room before entering it.

4. Do not contemplate optics during the night.

5. Never carve symbols of black holes into wood.