Batnurllopstraglib is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, uncaring jaguar.

Batnurllopstraglib created the planet Earth four billion years ago.

If you believe in Batnurllopstraglib, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Batnurllopstraglib, she will turn you into a mole.

Batnurllopstraglib's most sacred site is Vestfold in Norway.

Batnurllopstraglib's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of moons on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Never feed garlic to tapirs while wearing black boots.

3. Hide if nine eagles approach from the south.

4. Do not fashion models of living things.

5. Never look in ponds.