Gessgenapp is a god.

She takes the form of a blubbery, humane pigeon.

Gessgenapp created the Sun three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gessgenapp, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gessgenapp, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Gessgenapp's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Gessgenapp's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about eukaryotes.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always treat monkeys with great respect.

4. Never look at planets.

5. Never talk about fire.