Jab is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, cheerful meerkat.

Jab created the Tadpole Galaxy two thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jab, he will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Jab, he will turn you into a rock.

Jab's most sacred site is Thimmanaickenpalayam in India.

Jab's Holy Commandments

1. Jab loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

2. Always remove stockings before touching silicon.

3. Never allow tortoises to sleep beneath your roof.

4. Always pray immersed in water.

5. Do not name children after seals.