Geplamjam is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, unjust lobster.

Geplamjam created silver three billion years ago.

If you believe in Geplamjam, it will celebrate by creating some planets.

If you do not believe in Geplamjam, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Geplamjam's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Geplamjam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt aardvarks.

2. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Geplamjam.

3. Erect a large iron sculpture of Geplamjam on top of all buildings.

4. Do not shave your feet.

5. Never think about ultrasonics near squirrels while wearing black skirts and balancing six lead spheres on your head.