Batfonsas is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, all-knowing guinea pig.

Batfonsas created the world nine million years ago.

If you believe in Batfonsas, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Batfonsas, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Batfonsas' most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Batfonsas' Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near dolphins while wearing cyan dresses and balancing nine zinc spheres on your back.

2. Do not wear nickel on your body.

3. Never paint your hands red.

4. Never hurt nematodes.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Batfonsas.