Nartloopjop is a god.

He takes the form of a five thousand metre long, moody armadillo.

Nartloopjop created the planet Saturn three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartloopjop, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nartloopjop, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Nartloopjop's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Nartloopjop's Holy Commandments

1. Look mercifully on unfortunate geese.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Nartloopjop.

3. Never talk about tortoises.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed tomatoes to squirrels while wearing mauve jumpers.