Cadpangvig is a god.

He takes the form of a blubbery, ruthless eagle.

Cadpangvig created the Large Magellanic Cloud two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cadpangvig, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Cadpangvig, he will turn you into a tree.

Cadpangvig's most sacred site is Wukan in China.

Cadpangvig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Fast once a month.

4. Run away if nine goats approach from the east.

5. Erect a giant gold sculpture of Cadpangvig in the centre of the settlement.