Jadlakstan is a god.

She takes the form of a very long, resourceful newt.

Jadlakstan created energy three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Jadlakstan, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Jadlakstan, she will turn you into a tree.

Jadlakstan's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Jadlakstan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Jadlakstan's name in vain.

2. Always help sick manatees.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not bounce at rivers.

5. Never think about quantum mechanics.