Nurtvilwee is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, thoughtless fox.

Nurtvilwee created gold four billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtvilwee, he will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Nurtvilwee, he will jump up and down on your head until it really hurts.

Nurtvilwee's most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Nurtvilwee's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about thermodynamics near porpoises while wearing fawn stockings and balancing three platinum spheres on your hands.

2. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Mites are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not listen to music.