Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad is a god.

He takes the form of a thin, intelligent jaguar.

Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad created a charm quark eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad, he will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad's most sacred site is Daren in Wales.

Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about amino acids.

2. Always pray immersed in water.

3. Never think about solid mechanics near goats while wearing pink kilts and balancing eight platinum spheres on your face.

4. You must love Nurtarmquag Cudkipbad.

5. Do not listen to heathen tongues.