Tiffetvontan is a god.

It takes the form of a very small, narcissistic whale.

Tiffetvontan created the Large Magellanic Cloud four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tiffetvontan, it will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tiffetvontan, it will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Tiffetvontan's most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Tiffetvontan's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

2. Never speak the names of nebulae aloud.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Tiffetvontan.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never bounce in the presence of elders.