Flatfonmon is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, prudent porpoise.

Flatfonmon created the Black Eye Galaxy two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Flatfonmon, he will approve.

If you do not believe in Flatfonmon, he will turn you into a snail.

Flatfonmon's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Flatfonmon's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in spring.

2. Do not wear tin on your body.

3. Always obey Flatfonmon's priests.

4. Do not gather at wells at midday.

5. Never eat bark.