Nartlakmin is a god.

She takes the form of a plump, benevolent pigeon.

Nartlakmin created a strange quark four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Nartlakmin, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Nartlakmin, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Nartlakmin's most sacred site is Cusihuiriachi in Mexico.

Nartlakmin's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not dye your hair white.

3. Always make sure there are no manatees in a building before entering it.

4. Never sprint near swans.

5. Never hurt horses.