Tettiyakren is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, selfish hare.

Tettiyakren created viruses nine million years ago.

If you believe in Tettiyakren, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Tettiyakren, he will turn you into a dog.

Tettiyakren's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Tettiyakren's Holy Commandments

1. Always help bats in need.

2. Do not wear iron on your body.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Never look at comets.