Gess is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, cheerful clam.

Gess created the planet Mars five million years ago.

If you believe in Gess, it will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Gess, it will turn you into a puffin.

Gess' most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Gess' Holy Commandments

1. Run away if nine ants approach from the south.

2. Hide if six great tits approach from the west.

3. Never think about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Never paint your neck magenta.

5. Do not drink alcohol.