Barnkempog is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, vain raccoon.

Barnkempog created the Sol system eight million years ago.

If you believe in Barnkempog, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Barnkempog, she will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Barnkempog's most sacred site is Diebzig in Germany.

Barnkempog's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear cyan scarves.

2. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never talk about foxes.

5. Do not chop down trees.