Bedsagzen is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, effective aardvark.

Bedsagzen created the Sun nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bedsagzen, she will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bedsagzen, she will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Bedsagzen's most sacred site is Xtul in Mexico.

Bedsagzen's Holy Commandments

1. Bedsagzen loves tapirs, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Do not kill monkeys.

5. Never think about gravity near aardvarks while wearing red boots and balancing eight platinum spheres on your chest.