Zancem is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, quiet beaver.

Zancem created the Virgo Supercluster eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Zancem, it will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Zancem, it will turn you into a plant.

Zancem's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Zancem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick dogs.

2. Never look at moons.

3. Zancem loves hamsters, so they must be honoured.

4. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

5. Erect four silver sculptures of Zancem on top of important buildings.