Stanparkfab Yatpinpag is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, irritating eagle.

Stanparkfab Yatpinpag created silver nine million years ago.

If you believe in Stanparkfab Yatpinpag, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Stanparkfab Yatpinpag, she will turn you into a puffin.

Stanparkfab Yatpinpag's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Stanparkfab Yatpinpag's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about thermodynamics near pigs while wearing turquoise stockings and balancing nine carbon spheres on your hands.

2. Do not kill nematodes.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Respect your elders.

5. Do not eat cucumbers.